So goddamn tired of these pussy ass wizard bitches trollin around the fantasy fiction verse these days (And if for one second you feel anger about that statement, you know which pussy ass wizards you are a fan of, and I wont mention names, except that I will, and its another Harry in fact, and i say to you that you can go get reamed up the ass with the tiny wands those types usually wield).
I urge you to look up a real wizard, one with fuckin grit. His name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden, and hes a wizard living in modern day Chicago, working for the Chicago PD as an advisory hanger on. He carries a fuckin staff, like a real wizard, maybe Gandalf, or say the goddamn original, Merlin. Not only that but he packs mortal fuckin heat as well, a .357 revolver in his coat pocket.
You wanna know who he brings with him to the party when the real wiz biz goes down? Lets go down the list. Firstly, he has a dog named mouse. Mouse, you say? is that because hes a normal small dog. Shit no. That right there is a tibetan mastiff, and its what monks would use to guard the gates.
Next. His buddy and compatriate, Michael, one of three holy knights who travel the world pretty much kicking ass in the lords name with one of three swords only they can use, which have metal from the nails from the crusifixtion worked into the blade. yeah, THAT Crusifixtion, capital C.
And that aint all. Harry has a half brother thats a Succubi, cause Harry’s mom was a rad wizard chick who got around in her wild years with all sorts of fae dudes. This dude, Thomas, pretty much can windwalk (superspeed) while wielding two swords. Not only that but strenth till the cow come home. Imagine a dude firing a sawwed of shotgun with one arm. Thomas does that shit before he eats his wheaties bro.
Thats just three, and one of them is Harrys pet.
Seriously guys look this shit up. You guys deserve a real badass wizard. Really, I want this for you, I do. what you read before will seem like a fairytale, and youll think, why did i ever think that OPB afterschool special shit was ever cool.